We are retail whores.

I write this entry and shudder with embarrassment. Though we are the perfect example of the classic yet endangered hip mom and pop store: environmentally conscious, liberal, artsy, supportive of local business, there are areas in which we are simply LAME. The most recent example being our surrender to the marketing frenzy surrounding valentine's day. What holiday exists that is more pathetic to sell out to? Isn't it common knowledge that Hallmark invented valentine's day just as a ploy to sell more crap during an otherwise slow time for the greeting card industry? I guess Cafe Nasty didn't get the memo, cuz we let ourselves get sucked into the retail vortex and now we are releasing a special series of red mugs for your valentine honey and I am just ashamed.
To be fair, boss lady is not a greedy or shallow person when it comes to business. She is, however, slightly brittle and easily swayed by the opinions of other jerks. About a year ago, she hired a woman, Katherine, who hails from a lifetime of behind the counter glory. Katherine's gaping hole of a mouth constantly spews ridiculous moneymaking schemes and usually boss lady is too tired to say no to them. There was the erection of a huge and asthetically brutal T-shirt display that Katherine put up in a completely inappropriate place that's in everybody's way. Then there was the introduction of a whole new line of merchandise- costly handmade coffee canisters engraved with Cafe Nasty's logo, ugly mugs in pastel colors that look like toothbrush holders, these overpriced chocolate cherries from California that taste like prunes dipped in feces. And now tacky metal coffee mugs ensheathed in haphazardly glued on red faux leather for the big V-Day.
What can I say? I've offered my input ("those are the tackiest things I've ever seen") at past manager's meetings, but I know that I will never in my life be as persuasive as Katherine. Anyone who thinks they are strong enough to stand their ground while she badgers and "suggests" ways to improve things (that's what she is- an "improver"-barf) has no idea what this woman is capable of. I fear her, and what she may do next.
Cafe Nasty Easter Eggs? Chocolate covered espresso beans in the Kwaanza colors?

The Peacemaker- Or Not?

Question: how involved do I want to be, as a manager, in the lives and/or conflicts of my co-workers?
The thing is, I am about to go to my evening shift with Jane and some other weird guy. Last time I saw Jane was the day she made Mallory cry for whatever reason (whatever Sanjay-related reason, that is).
I myself am worried, just because I'm starting to fear her general wrath, that she's going to make me cry tonight. When I'd first learned of her and Mallory's beef, I wanted to intervene. In the past, when people have been duking it out at work, I've stepped in just to calm things down and at least get them to cool off until after work.
At this moment, my plan is to go into work, be as cool and charming as possible (as I always am) and hope that nothing gets brought up through casual conversation that I don't want to talk about. I will avoid at all costs the subject of Jane being a bitch, and I will hope this saves me from possibly being bitched at.
I feel like it's the right thing to do- to stay out of it and mind my own business... for now.
I've decided that unless people are messing with eachother on one of my shifts, then I should let them live their lives. Am I going about this correctly? It's not like I'm the human relations department at work or anything- I'm just a warm-hearted, caring human being...ummm...yeah.

Jane the Terrible

I feel like a senile old woman. I'm at this cafe five days a week, I know everyone who works there pretty well, or so I like to think. I also (ignorant as this may be) consider myself quite aware of people's relationships- who's dating who and who's fighting and all that. The longer I work here, the older I get, and somehow the new employees just get younger and younger and soon I fear I'll be the ancient matron of the place and no one will fill me in on any of the goings on and I'll be pathetically out of the loop. My fears are becoming realities as I sit here typing.
Today, Jane was working with Stephen, one of the few other employees who's been there longer than I have, a trusty fellow, always good for a laugh or a snide remark whispered behind an evil customer's back. The gossip is that Stephen hates Jane because Jane hates Mallory, a new (hot) girl at work. Why so much hate you wonder?
Jane had hooked up with Sanjay when he started at the cafe, but he quickly dumped her as soon as Mallory got hired. Mallory is certainly a beautiful, intelligent woman, but it's quite amazing the way the men of Cafe Nasty have fallen for her, one by one. She is going out with Sanjay right now, or so I was told today after begging for information from our resident gossip queen. This doesn't mean, though, that Stephen can't worship her from afar, and he does let me tell you!
I guess Jane hasn't gotten over the blow Sanjay delivered when he ditched her for Mallory. So when Jane, Mallory, and Stephen all had a shift together this morning, it was an emotional ordeal for them all and Mallory ended up leaving in tears. I'll never know exactly what Jane said to her that was so bad. Maybe she called her stupid, or ugly, or maybe something worse...
Fortunately, boss lady was on the premises and was able to give Jane a good talking to about not being a bitch, at least while you're working.
As much as I get off on hearing about all this delicious misconduct, it makes me very sad. Jane, Sanjay, Mallory, they are all guilty of creating drama that really has no place behind the counter. Now that I'm off work, and am able to reflect, ponder, and even giggle at this shit, I was very upset hearing about it while it was happening.
When the cafe is pumping, energy is high, there are multitudes of cappuccinos to be made, that is the last time anyone should be called out for being a slut or stealing someone's boyfriend or whatever. Please people. Save it for after the shift!

MTV Came Back

I'm in a crappy mood right now so I lack the energy to go into as much detail as I'd like right now, but I'll give you the basics. The MTV posse returned to the cafe two days ago. I just happened to be finishing up my shift when I saw the camera man and some skanky looking producer chicks meandering about- surely looking to spot some people making out or fighting. Since they'd already been to the cafe once before and had interviewed some people, they had a couple co-workers of mine in particular that they wanted to talk to again. I walked in on the middle of the conversation the producers were having with Jane (of course) and Diana and I introduced myself, hoping my mega-watt smile and sex appeal would excite them and I'd be catapulted to stardom. Not quite the case, but I did get to hang out with them for a few hours, and then again that night.
MTV took us all out to a bar and supplied us with endless amounts of liquor in hopes of some drunken brawls or good hook-ups. I think I downed four Cosmopolitans during the two hours the producers were sponsoring our delinquency. There were only a few of us from work at the bar. Then there were a couple employees of the hip record store in town, and then a smattering of faces I'd never seen before in my life. University students, perhaps? Paid actors? I don't know. I guess at this point we're a sophisticated enough culture to know that so-called "reality" TV is basically bullshit. Do I hang out in real life with those kids from the bar? Do I even go to bars? Hell to the no! But if it's all on MTV's tab, and there exists even the slightest possibility that I could get signed on to be in this show, then I'm gonna go for it. Did you know that you get paid if MTV puts you on a show? Incredible! I know that because I am pathetically honest boring I probably won't be invited to be one of the main "East Coast Laguna Beach" kids. But I may get to be one of those kids in the background, who gets invited to a staged party or maybe even gets paid a little extra to throw a fit at the party and try to kiss someone's boyfriend.

I will keep you posted on Cafe Nssty's rise to small screen fame.

Stay away from the olives!

This is a true story; not for the faint of heart. The menu here at Cafe Nasty extends beyond the delightful cappucinos and espressos I'm so fond of discussing. We serve breakfast and lunch as well. Sort of light fare, no flapjacks or bacon stacks, just things like oatmeal and soups and sandwiches and stuff. It's mostly food grown locally and organically, which is something the owners take a lot of pride in. You know, supporting small-time farmers cuz we're a small-time business.
Thusly, the food is always fresh, produced with love, and of the highest quality you can get out there. Every now and then, however, something goes horribly wrong in the kitchen. We don't always catch the problem before serving it up and traumatizing some poor customer. What am I speaking of in such vague terms you ask? Animal parts. I know, I know.
I had a muffin returned by a man who claimed there were "pieces of a small animal" in it. Turned out to be a little bit of cat fur- no chunks of flesh thank goodness.
The human fingernail a co-worker gagged on as she downed a chocolate chip cookie caused quite a stir. But boss lady had a stern talk with the cookie baker lady, who promised to hold off on the home manicures while she was baking.

Most disturbing of all was the time a woman found an entire owl pellet in her green salad and mistook it for an olive. For those of you that haven't studied ornothology, when an owl or other bird of prey gets a mouse, he'll eat the whole thing, bones, fur and all. Later on, he'll hack up a disgusting ball made up of all the indigestable mouse parts- teeth, hairs, nasty bits. That's how owl pellets are born! So what must have happened is that the local farm that supplied our greens didn't properly sort through the leaves before shipping them over to us. Somehow, Mr. Owlie was sneaking about in the garden and coughed up one of his little treats right into the Cafe Nasty shipment. Before anyone knew it, the salad was plated and served. We serve three little kalamata olives on the side with our salads, so whoever was on salad duty this particular day hadn't gotten enough sleep and assumed the misshapen, hairy chunk with bones sticking out of it was just a funny-looking olive. Apparently, that's what the silly lady who ordered the salad thought as well, cuz she had the balls to bite into it. I guess she got lucky and was spared a mouthful of baby mouse whiskers, but she did notice that something was off.
Upon returning to the counter and showing her half-eaten lunch to Paul, a Nasty worker, Paul knew immediately what the thing was and could barely suppress his urge to hurl. He was smart enough to go along with her "it's just a funky olive" theory and never reveal the truth to her. He gave her a refund. I hope she got the taste out of her mouth.

Epilogue:
Cafe Nasty no longer gets their salad mix from the owl pellet farm.

Excellent Espresso Resource!

Hello all! I want to recommend a site to visit for really fantastic info about all things espresso. First of all, the site is for a superb cafe in, where else, Seattle! It's called Vivace Espresso, and its owner and founder is a really neat guy named David Schomer. I had the pleasure of being sent there by my cafe (an all expenses paid vacation, if you can believe it!)along with the other coffee trainer to take Schomer's intensive three day espresso course. The class was extremely in-depth and I benefited greatly from it. The cost of the trip was a little much, and I'm very greatful to come from a cafe that so believes in cultivating vast coffee knowledge in its workers that it paid for the whole trip.
You don't have to take the course to get all of Schomer's tips and secrets. Go to vivaceespresso.com, I think. Or just Google "Vivace," b/c I'm not entirely sure that's the right address. Anyway, you can see photos of beautiful latte art, read about the cafe, get some poetic versing on the perfect shot of espresso, and you can order a copy of one of Schomer's three books. I have, and love, his book on professional espresso techniques because it covers everything from espresso theory- why it tastes so good, where it comes from, etc.- to machine maintainnence to ltte art.
So check out the site if you have the time!!

Those Sinful Cingular Boys

I had to go to the Cingular store yesterday to get a new cell phone. The guy behind the counter was young, but not too young. Maybe 28 or 29. He was pleasant to deal with, most likely because he spent the duration of our transaction process trying to hit on me. Hey, whatever. As long as he's being nice.
Another man, a customer, who I immediately recognized as Irving, one of Cafe Nasty's regulars, was standing at the counter next to me talking on the store's phone that sits on the counter top. I think he was on the line with a credit card company or something, just judging by the growing level of frustration he displayed as the conversation progressed. Anyway, he paused several times to pass the phone to Victor, the guy who was helping me, saying "You have to talk to them. They want to talk to the salesman who sold me the phone!" Victor repeatedly told him "Sir, I can't help them. I didn't sell you the phone, and the guy who did isn't here, so there's nothing we can do."
I came to learn that the issue was over the $100 rebate that comes with Irving's phone. But he lost the voucher and he couldn't get the rebate so he was very mad at Victor.
I understood Victor's frustration with Irving. Victor obviously had nothing to do with Irving's problem, nor did anyone at the store, considering the rebate is the customer's responsibility to take care of. I was bothered, however, by Victor's unwillingness to comfort Irving in any way, say by giving him his associate's business card so he could speak directly with the guy who sold him the phone and figure out what to do.
Irate customers really just want to be listened to and sympathized with. There's a chance that women in the service world fare better in this kind of situation than their male counterparts. I'm thinking of customers here as being angry babies who just need some soothing words from mother. It's kind of a Freudian thing I suppose. From my experiences, and from seeing guy baristas at Cafe Nasty fail miserably at helping problematic customers, I do think there's validity to the calming nature of womankind.
Regardless of my theories though, Victor had many options for dealing with angry Irving. Don't they have a customer service handbook at Cingular. It seems like the more expensive the merchandise, the better trained employees should be at catering to even their most difficult clients needs. It makes sense right? That the more money people spend, the more attention they'd expect from salespeople.
My needs were put on hold momentarily while Victor and Irving battled it out. Victor just kept telling Irving there was nothing he could do for him, that the rebate was his problem, not Cingular's. Hearing this, Irving got very mad. He said, "There is no courtesy here. What, you only pay me respect when I'm spending money here, and not when I have a problem. The man who sold the phone to me was courteous and you are being so rude. Fine I'll just take my business elsewhere. I don't have to come here anymore!"
And can you believe that Victor even interrupted him to say "That's fine sir, whatever you want. Have a nice day," just totally dismissing him and sending him on his way. I thought that screamed immature. Bad, bad Victor.
Then Victor committed another no-no. When Irving was gone, he started venting to me about what an asshole the guy is. I'm sure there was a little bit of machismo "I don't take shit from anyone" stuff going on, to impress me no doubt. But still! There were other customers in the store, standing right next to me!
It's a Nasty rule: you don't talk shit about customers in front of other customers. Gee, when I put it like that it just sounds like the most basic common sense. But apparently, not everyone adheres to it.