I found out the other day that Jane, one of my female co-workers (who I've always known to be flirty/borderline slutty), has hooked up with around eight of the guys we work or have worked with. She's only worked at the cafe for about a year! My boyfriend informed me of this, having just been told by a mutual friend, Tim, who works at the cafe, and who happens to be one of Jane's conquests. I was first surprised that Tim hadn't told me this himself. I mean, we're friends, we talk about all kinds of personal, embarrassing stuff. Tim likes to talk shit about Jane too. In our conversations, he mostly refers to her as "gross." This is all in the past though. This is all before last night, when I found out that he has been all over Jane and her gross bits. Why hadn't he told me? Why did he badmouth her and gossip to me about some of the other guys she's been with? I can only assume that he felt a deep sort of shame about going where so many men have gone before. He might even have been in denial, convincing himself that it had never happened. I really don't know. But now, today, with my brain a dirty sponge soaked with information I wasn't meant to have, I feel confused. I am sad for Jane, and I want to understand her reasons for being so....free. I am sad for the guys at work like Tim who laugh about Jane behind her back, as if the fact that they've hooked up with her says nothing about them.
Before I get too into chastising my colleagues, I have to admit my own wrongdoings. But there are so many! No I am not perfect. I've thrown in a couple "Jane's a slut" jokes during some of the locker room chats at work. Not so much because I enjoy participating in those kinds of vulgar slam sessions, but because my mind sometimes will uncontrollably assemble the most witty (I think) one-liners that I am simply forced to spew out due to their comic value. I can't help this condition. So there. I confess to my shit-talking ways. Now I can judge others.
My cafe, though small and quaint and artsy and liberal and staffed mostly by awesome people, still harbors those lousy double standards when it comes to men, women and sex. We proclaim ourselves to be progressive and inclusive, forward-thinker types, but clearly we're not. Seriously, Jane did not do something that lots of other guys at the cafe haven't wished they could do themselves, if only their hot female co-workers would give them the time of day. There are too many good looking people who work here for hook-ups to be a rarity. Doing it with eight guys during your first year of employment, yeah that may be excessive, but then again, maybe not.
In Jane's case, applying what little knowledge I have of her life, I believe her sexuality is a tool she uses for attention and the temporary confidence boost provided by a night of getting boned. I'm just inferring here, but the other theory would be that she's just a free spirited sex maniac who gives her goods out just because she loves to do it- and this theory doesn't cut it. So I feel bad, and I also feel like her actions are little cries for help. She knows that we're a small, tight-knit group at the cafe, and that we talk all the time about everything. This means that she has gone ahead and pursued these guys one by one, knowing that everyone else would find out about it. Doesn't that seem like a sort of desperate cry for an intervention?
All the guys at work that have hooked up with and then verbally crapped on Jane don't deserve a lot of thought or concern. If I hear stupid boy talk, I'll ignore it or tell them to fuck off, hoping that their banter doesn't activate my obscene joke-firing neurons.
I believe that each of Jane's "lovers" now feels his own private shame and can deal with it himself. It's Jane that really worries me. I've been at this cafe for four years, you know? Never have I heard of anyone gettin around on such a massive scale like this. In a way, I'm impressed by Jane. I'll give her credit for being so "nice" especially to the guys she made out with that aren't so attractive (and believe me, there are a few).
But more than anything, I'm confused. I worry for her and her reputation in this tiny little community we have. She is a gorgeous girl, and smart and funny too. There's no reason she should be sabotaging herself like this. No reason I can think of.
Monday, December 18, 2006
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment