Customers Who Complain Should Die

I have no problem with the somewhat corny ideology about giving great customer service (eg. "going the x-tra mile at all times," etc.).
I have no problem with it because it works. It's all true. Everything they taught you kid, that you never wanted to believe, it's real. The concept is simple- be gracious, humble, aim to satisfy, correct your mistakes, leave your ego out of it.
My boss spent some time in Anne Arbor, Michigan, where this cafe/market called Zingerman's was founded. They put out a guide to giving great customer service, which is now required reading for all cafe employees.
There are some interesting tidbits within the pages of this tiny little yellow book. Today, I'll present to you (minus the book's nauseating wordiness) the chapter on responding to customer complaints. Apparently, there are only five steps involved.
1. Acknowledge the customer's complaint- the book suggests merely replying to their hideous tale of being served the soup with the toenail in it with a simple "Wow" or "I see" Just so the customer knows she's been heard.

2. Sincerely apologize- the ability to do this effectively might be something you're either born with or not. I, fortunately, am able to convince customers of my sincerity almost all the time. Sometimes I am sincere, others I am putting on the greatest show on earth. It doesn't matter, as long as the complainer feels that you understand her unhappiness and are sorry for it, even if it wasn't your toenail.

3. Take action to make things right for the customer. Like, get her a cup of minestrone without body parts in it- even give her the bigger size without charging extra! Sometimes I give out little coupons for a free drink, sometimes all she wants is a refund. There is usually a simple solution to the problem. All I have to do is ask what she would like me to do to fix the situation. Give the customer a teensy bit of power, and she'll be pleased.

4. Thank the customer for complaining- I don't do this very often actually. By this point I'm usually fed up and finding it harder by the nanosecond to feign sincerity, so the whole thanking thing might just push me over the edge.
I thank people for the following complaints- when the bathroom is flooded, when there's no more toilet paper, if their milk is rancid, if there's some unkempt area in the cafe, like a muddy floor, that could potentially harm someone.
These are all things that, after learning of and then fixing them, I do feel better about the shift, so the customer was kind of doing me a favor.

5. Write it up- Like have a special file where all complaints are kept track of. It's helpful to get people's contact information, note the date and time of the catastrophe, note which employee was handling the situation. The customer will also feel like she is being taken super seriously if she knows her complaint is going straight to a special file, so that upper-upper-management can look into it.

I find a lot of stuff in this book quite helpful and interesting.
It's Zingerman's Guide to Giving Great Customer Service by Ari Weinzweig (2004 I think)