Home Alone at Boss Lady's House!!

I am typing on my boss's computer, sitting at her desk, having my leg humped by her grimy boyfriend's dog. I'm the housesitter this evening. The boss took that boy (11 years her junior- oh my!) out of town for the night. Some sort of lovers getaway I suppose. And I am here, caring for George's two dogs and boss's adorable little kitten. It's quite the good time so far. She lives in a splendid house not far from my apartment, but in the swankier neighborhood, where everyone has a big yard with tree swings and tiny gardens with those shiny globe things in the middle.
She also has this incredible sauna in her backyard. It looks like a big huge barrel but once you crawl inside, all naked and cold from the snowy outdoors, it's this rustic spa- eucalyptus and all. So that's my evening. My boy is on his way over right now. I had to bring hamburger helper from home to cook here. Boss forgets to grocery shop for her kids and I want more than vodka and dark chocolate for dinner.
I've got one of my working girl buddies coming over later for some naked sauna party time. My boyfriend won't go in the sauna because he says that every time he goes in one, he gets a bad cold the next day that won't go away. Something to do with the heat and steam releasing all his body's toxins at once. He is a pussy, but I love him dearly.
You're probably wondering what evil plan I have to steal from my boss's home or vandalize it in some subtle way that she won't discover till it's too late (turd in the freezer? urine all over the sauna?). I'm lucky I guess that I have a good enough boss that I'm not even tempted to shit in her son's closet so she'll blame him two weeks later when she finds it. I thank my lucky stars for this every day.